also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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