I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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