1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
