I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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