R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
