awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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