So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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