i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
