So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
