I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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