Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
