The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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