Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
