After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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