last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
