Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
