Porn is love you can see.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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