it was like eating out sand paper
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
