Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
