Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
