i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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