Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
