I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize