Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
