I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
