come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
