Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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