so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize