I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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