In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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