$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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