how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
