Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
