i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Who died my cat blue again?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
