brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
