Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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