so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
