Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
