he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
