I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
