So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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