its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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