While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
