Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
