i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
