So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
