you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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