after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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