Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize