Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
