grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
