She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
