My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
