i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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