the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
