if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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