so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Who died my cat blue again?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
