after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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