Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I want a musical about memes.
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