i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
