Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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