She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
