you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize