Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
