LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
